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Shitstorm 2016

Andy Berke caught kissing reflection in mirror after re-election

in Politics/Shitstorm 2016
Mayor Andy Berke

Shocking allegations have emerged that Mayor Andy Berke was caught kissing his own reflection in a mirror after being re-elected last night, according to sources. “It was totally weird,” said one anonymous witness. “First, he was talking to his reflection in this kind of high, baby voice, saying, ‘Who’s a…

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Berke wears mesh shirt at Pride Parade to show transparency

in Culture/Politics/Shitstorm 2016
Mesh shirt

Mayor Andy Berke strutted down Riverside Drive wearing a white mesh shirt at yesterday’s Chattanooga Pride Parade in order to demonstrate a commitment to transparency, after criticism about previously using an encrypted smartphone messaging app to communicate with his staff. “I’ve got nothing to hide,” said Berke, as he lifted…

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Berke admits to giving secret decoder rings to staff

in Politics/Shitstorm 2016
Secret decoder ring (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/bXtoMA)

Mayor Andy Berke admitted at a press conference this afternoon that he had previously given secret decoder rings to members of his staff for communication purposes, raising concerns about transparency and the ability to fulfill open records requests. “Although we stopped using the rings and threw them away, as far…

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Service entrance of local Mexican restaurant named top new make-out spot

in Shitstorm 2016

After a poll given to local participants with shit-filled underpants, a local Mexican restaurant’s service entrance was named the area’s best new make-out spot.  The restaurant’s service entrance beat out past favorite make-out spots, including a climate-controlled storage facility in Cleveland.  Since Chattanooga was named “Best Town Ever” this past…

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