Culture

Riverbend influence is seen at Bonnaroo as stages are raised 50 feet into the air

As the gates opened for the Bonnaroo music festival in Manchester, Tennessee this past week, festival attendees were pleased to discover the world famous and highly admired insanely high stages of Chattanooga’s Riverbend music festival had made their way to the farm. Experts believe organizers for the up and coming Bonnaroo music festival searched high

Festival rules say Riverbend wristbands must be worn until death

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Attendees of the newly revamped 4-day Riverbend Festival, which began today, were shocked to learn that their admission wristbands must be worn until they die. “I knew that you weren’t allowed to remove your wristband until the end of the festival,” said Riverbend attendee Butch Ausphot, while squinting at the wristband. “But by golly, there

Demon accidentally summoned at Sculpture Burn

Chattanooga authorities are asking locals to remain calm after it was revealed that last night’s Sculpture Burn at the “Spring into Sculpture” event at Sculpture Fields accidentally summoned a demon. “We knew there was a possibility of this happening, so that’s why we purchased demon insurance,” said event organizer Morgan Ontenman. “Insurance will pay for

Coyote Jacks releases new playlist of farm-themed songs after urban music ban

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After a recent announcement from the nightclub Coyote Jacks about renovations and a ban on “all forms of urban music,” which some perceived as being racist, a new playlist was released for the club featuring only farm-themed songs. “You’d be surprised about the rich assortment of songs out there about growing sorghum,” said Eulas “Critter”

Fleischmann changes stance on border wall after listening to Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”

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Congressman Chuck Fleischmann withdrew his support for the proposed Mexican border wall after listening to the concept album “The Wall” created by the British rock band Pink Floyd. The change occurred while Rep. Fleischmann and Tennessee Governor Bill Lee were roadtripping from Washington, D.C. back to Tennessee, after Lee was Fleischmann’s guest at last night’s

Acts to perform songs twice as fast at shorter 4-day Riverbend

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It was announced at a press conference today that Chattanooga’s annual Riverbend Festival would be shortened from nine days to four days, and to fit the same amount of material in a shorter time, music acts would be required to perform their songs twice as fast. “Half as long, twice as fast, baby!” said Riverbend

West Village sculptures revealed to be cruel Banksy prank

After much speculation, it was revealed today that the atrocious sculptures located on the sidewalks of Chattanooga’s West Village were a cruel prank by Banksy, the anonymous British street artist. “Why must you punish us with this terrible, terrible art?” said resident Cris Tillzay while shaking a fist at a West Village sculpture with giant

Giant Tivoli screen to display Mayor Berke’s teeth 24/7

The Tivoli Theater Foundation announced that the new, giant 50-foot drop-down screen and state-of-the-art 4K digital projector installed in the Tivoli Theater would display Mayor Berke’s teeth 24 hours a day, seven days a week, except during scheduled events. “We have the technology, so let’s use it as much as we can,” said Pat Mantobin,

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