All-emoji format

NOOGAtoday moves to all-emoji format

in Business/Culture

The local news website NOOGAtoday, built upon Nooga.com after it had been acquired, announced that it would be moving to an all-emoji format in order to appeal to a hip, modern audience.

“Some readers might have already noticed that we have encouraged our writers to spice up their articles with emojis,” said NOOGAtoday representative Kelly Drenntil. “That’s something that no stuffy, outdated broadsheet paper would ever dream of doing.”

“Then we thought, why stop there?” said Drenntil. “Let’s make a big, bold move with NOOGAtoday.”

“We had some great ideas for being a total media game changer, like boosting our paid advertorial content from 50% of our articles to 100%, or closing each article with an animated GIF of someone dabbing,” said Drenntil. “But in the end, we decided to just do away with words in our articles and only use emojis.”

“They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so an emoji is worth at least that many,” said Drenntil. “Which is good, because we’ve only been cranking out one article a day on average lately.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.