Monthly archive

July 2018

Encroaching armadillos inspire yoga trend

in Health
Armadillo yoga

With armadillo sightings on the rise in southeast Tennessee, due to the nocturnal mammals’ attraction to warm climates, yoga enthusiasts have found a way to incorporate the animals into their sessions. This follows a national trend, which has been embraced by Chattanoogans, to involve various animals in yoga classes, including…

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Southside violence problem solved by new signs

in Politics
Southside sign #1

In a stunning development, it was revealed that a few new signs posted at the parking lot near the Southside nightclub Coyote Jacks completely solved the area’s ongoing late-night violence problem. “There. All better,” said a representative from the community. “All you have to do is ask politely, and people…

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Pence to talk with Rep. Marsha Blackburn through hole in sheet

in Politics
VP Mike Pence (left), Rep. Marsha Blackburn (right)

Vice President Mike Pence made a vow to only talk with Republican Senate candidate Marsha Blackburn through a hole in a sheet today at a fundraiser in Chattanooga. Pence told The Hill in 2002 that he never dines alone with a woman who isn’t his wife and that he won’t…

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Golden Corral’s “Pay Your Age” promotion fails to draw crowds

in Business/Food/Drink
Senior lady

Golden Corral restaurants in the Chattanooga area failed to draw huge crowds today for its one-day-only “Pay Your Age” promotion. “We really didn’t think this one through,” said restaurant manager Pat Sanesca. “We should’ve known that our core customers are all senior citizens in their 60s, 70s, 80s or older.”…

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