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November 2016

City council approves ending 2016 one month early

in Politics
Chattanooga City Council Chamber

The Chattanooga City Council unanimously approved legislation yesterday to end the year 2016 one month early. “Fuck this shit,” said the City Council in a written statement. “We are done with 2016. Let’s just start anew with 2017 already and just forget about December, even though it has a bunch…

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Local Democrats asked to extinguish wildfires with tears

in Politics
Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/9Y6CTG

After the shocking victory of Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Presidential election, Democratic Party leaders have asked local Democrats to help extinguish the raging wildfires with their plentiful teardrops. “I literally can’t stop crying,” said the weeping Chattanooga resident Kris Ferugina while waiting to board a helicopter…

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Smoke from Chuck Fleischmann burning Melody Shekari signs fills Chattanooga area skies

in Politics

After months of rigorous¬†campaigning for the U.S. Representative of Tennessee’s 3rd congressional district seat, incumbent Chuck Fleischmann took out his frustrations of opponent Melody Shekari by gathering up her signs and lighting them ablaze. Little did he know that his act of rage would turn into an out of control…

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