The daily broadsheet newspaper Chattanooga Times Free Press announced that it is purchasing the 1-year-old online news website The Chattanooga Bystander for $19 million dollars.
“We want to heartily welcome The Chattanooga Bystander, being an award-winning publication known for its accurate reporting and respectful journalism,” said Times Free Press managing editor Jordan Krampton. “They deliver all the facts, and then some, with 110% of the truth.”
The $19 mil. figure includes $200 to be paid in cash, with the remaining funds to be rendered in Lake Winnie skee-ball prize tickets.
“That was condition #1: lay off Harrison,” said Krampton. “It was too much for him last year, and he was driven to shave off his soul patch.”