Monthly archive

March 2014

Mila Kunis pregnant by Rock City gnome

in Culture
Mila Kunis (l) (Modified under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/czJAyS) Winkle McTwinklebuttergingersnap (r) (Modified under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/9GEr68)

After the engaged celebrities Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher announced today that they were expecting their first child, Kunis made the shocking revelation that the father wasn’t Kutcher but instead was a gnome named Winkle McTwinklebuttergingersnap whom Kunis met while visiting Rock City last December. Kunis apologized for her infidelity,…

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Councilman Hakeem suggests replacing public transportation with pub-crawl pedal carriages

in Business/Food/Drink/Politics
Yusuf Hakeem (l), Pedal Carriage (r) (Modified under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/2MUd1k)

It has been a turbulent week for Chattanooga City Council Chairman Yusuf Hakeem, whose invitation to a Monday meeting to discuss a possible public voucher program in partnership with Millennium Taxi to augment inner-city transportation was rejected by Transportation Administrator Blythe Bailey. Bailey declined attending the meeting over concerns that…

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Silverdale inmate who gave birth while shackled accidentally invented new fetish

in Culture/Health
(Left used and modified under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license; source: flic.kr/p/c2W1WW. Right used and modified under the CC-BY-2.0 license; source: flic.kr/p/7zD1Kj)

While a former Silverdale correctional facility inmate is suing Silverdale, Corrections Corporation of America and the sheriff of Hamilton County for being shackled last year to a hospital bed while giving birth, local perverts and the adult entertainment industry are praising her for inadvertently inventing a new fetish. The lawsuit…

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Fleischmann to endorse Mayfield Dairy products

in Food/Drink/Politics
Rep. Chuck Fleischmann

After Scottie Mayfield endorsed 3rd District Congressional Representative Chuck Fleischmann this morning for the upcoming election, despite being rivals in the 2012 election, Fleischmann returned the favor by formally endorsing Mayfield Dairy products. “Everyone knows that quid pro quo arrangements are how anything gets done in politics,” said Fleischmann, wearing…

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God puts Wysong’s prayer for Anderson’s recall at bottom of priority list

in Politics
God

With the effort to recall District 7 City Councilman Chris Anderson currently lagging behind the goal to gather around 1,600 signatures, having only gathered around 300 signatures so far, Chattanooga Tea Party member Charles Wysong, who is aiding the recall effort, turned to God for help, saying, “Prayer and fasting…

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Chattanooga shootings up, crime down due to poor marksmanship

in Politics
Firing range target (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/4VPRVn)

The City of Chattanooga announced new statistics, showing that while the number of shootings has increased, crime has actually decreased, which has been attributed to declining marksmanship skills. “There are more guns out there and more rounds being fired than ever,” said interim Chattanooga Police Chief Brett Laemmel. “But these…

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Code for America Chattanooga announces successful hack of former Mayor Ron Littlefield’s AOL account.

in Business/Politics

Earlier today, a spokesman for the Chattanooga 2014 Code for America project announced their first big accomplishment for the year. The announcement comes just mere weeks after the initial meet up with local coders and government officials alike. “We believe city government transparency reaches far beyond current high level office…

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