At a press conference yesterday afternoon, District 7 City Councilman Chris Anderson surprised his constituency by announcing on National Coming Out Day that he was actually heterosexual.
“Fooled ya,” said Anderson, with a smile and a wink to the crowd of reporters and citizens. “You could say I pulled the wool over your eyes. The wool vest, to be specific.”
“My opponent in the election back in March, Manny Rico, claimed that I ran on the platform of being gay,” said Anderson. “I vehemently denied it at the time, but actually, he was right. My little ruse has been years in the planning, and what can I say, it paid off.”
“There are negative stereotypes, and then there are positive stereotypes,” said Anderson. “For example, there are the stereotypes that Jews have good financial sense and that Asians are good at math and science.”
“I totally took advantage of the positive stereotypes attributed to gay people – that homosexuals are smarter, more creative, artistic and sophisticated than average people,” said Anderson. “And I rode that stereotype to victory.”
“Here is my real partner, Staci,” said Anderson, standing beside his tall, platinum blond girlfriend. “She’s a massage therapist by day and a bartender at the Electric Cowboy by night.”