Secret Service Seen Dragging Vice President Joe Biden from Local Gentlemens Club Diamonds and Lace

in Obamanooga '13

After arriving a day before President Barack Obama in Chattanooga, Vice President Joe Biden was seen entering Chattanooga’s own Diamonds and Lace show bar in a drunken stupor. It was reported that members of Vice President Biden’s secret service team were seen dragging the intoxicated Vice President out of the…

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Foodies rejoice: Artisanal meth comes to Chattanooga

in Food/Drink
Crystal meth

Without a doubt, eating well has become a more prominent cultural pursuit for people of all ages over the last decade, with a rapidly growing movement of so-called “foodies” eager to share new gastronomical discoveries using online social networks and blogs, and Chattanooga has done its best to keep up…

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The Bystander extends TFP’s “The View” boycott: “We will never jack off to Jenny McCarthy again”

in Health/Op/Ed
Jenny McCarthy (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:

Yesterday, the Chattanooga Times Free Press published an editorial asking readers to boycott the ABC network daytime television talk show The View after it recently announced it was adding co-host Jenny McCarthy—Playboy Playmate, television host and actress. McCarthy has been widely criticized for continuing to spread the myth that vaccinating…

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BREAKING: Whirlpool Announces It Has Been Successfully Shamed

in Business

BREAKING: A representative from the Whirlpool Corporation announced this morning that the company has successfully and sufficiently been shamed. “We will now attempt to awaken the two gentlemen, who have been at our necks for many months, and comply with whatever shaming they have in mind,” exclaimed Whirlpool PR spokesmen…

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Chattanooga to world: “You know what? F-ck birds”

in Politics
Just some goddamn bird (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

The collective metropolitan Chattanooga populace articulated its complete disdain for all avian life in a written press release, addressed to the world yesterday. “You know what? F-ck birds,” began the press release. “You are not welcome here, stinking up the place, crapping all over everything, squawking and strutting around like…

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Tennessee Aquarium Announces Opening of Recycled Seafood Restaurant

in Business/Food/Drink

In an effort to further advocate Chattanooga’s green movement, Tennessee Aquarium officials announced plans to open a seafood restaurant within the coming months. After admitting deceased animals were ultimately being tossed into the Tennessee River, Aquarium officials have decided to make use of the dead animals by deep frying and…

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Chattanooga Roller Boys struggling to find audience

in Sports/Rec
Men's roller derby (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

It is undeniable that roller derby has made a huge comeback in recent years, but you wouldn’t know it by attending a local Chattanooga Roller Boys bout. “We are completely baffled,” said Chattanooga Roller Boys team captain and founder Justin McCloskie, looking at an audience of six people at their…

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Postponed July 4th fireworks to be combined with detonation of North Shore barge

in Business/Culture/Politics
Fireworks (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:

Chattanooga residents were sorely disappointed when severe weather caused the annual Coolidge Park fireworks and outdoor concert to be cancelled, but the City of Chattanooga announced yesterday afternoon at a press conference a way to turn that disappointment into triumph, by combining a postponed fireworks display with the detonation of…

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