Paul Barys spotted in undisclosed bar doing shots in preparation for tonight’s storm

in Business/Culture

In preparation for the severe storms heading into the area, local weatherman Paul Barys has been spotted downing shots of bourbon and other alcoholic beverages for the long night ahead. “Let’s forecast this shit, Barys beard style,” exclaimed Meteorologist Paul Barys, while vomiting into a WRCB hat.    

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Trump arrives in Chattanooga for Southside Social’s new dress code unveiling

in Business/Politics

After months of these darn kids causing a ruckus, Chattanooga’s Southside Social announced a new dress code that will be unveiled by none other than President Donald J Trump. The arrival comes after a representative from the establishment vowed to “Make Southside Social Great Again!”. Experts believe some new requirements…

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Andy Berke releases Larry Grohn’s grandson’s Algebra homework

in Politics

After a week of grueling debates between candidates for the 2017 Chattanooga Mayorship, Andy Berke has announced he has uncovered opponent Councilman Larry Grohn’s grandson’s Algebra homework. The revelation comes just days after Grohn released some bullshit he thought was worthwhile against Berke. Experts believe Councilman Larry Grohn secretly helped his grandson…

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Eddie Pontiac turns down inauguration musical invite

in Business/Politics

Local musician and Mexican restaurant staple Eddie Pontiac announced he had declined an invitation to play at Friday’s inauguration for President Elect Donald Trump. Pontiac, who many call the man with the golden voice, has entertained Mexican restaurant patrons for over 20 years. Experts believe Pontiac opted to decline the invitation to perform due to…

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