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Berke wears mesh shirt at Pride Parade to show transparency

in Culture/Politics/Shitstorm 2016

Mayor Andy Berke strutted down Riverside Drive wearing a white mesh shirt at yesterday’s Chattanooga Pride Parade in order to demonstrate a commitment to transparency, after criticism about previously using an encrypted smartphone messaging app to communicate with his staff. “I’ve got nothing to hide,” said Berke, as he lifted…

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Service entrance of local Mexican restaurant named top new make-out spot

in Shitstorm 2016

After a poll given to local participants with shit-filled underpants, a local Mexican restaurant’s service entrance was named the area’s best new make-out spot.  The restaurant’s service entrance beat out past favorite make-out spots, including a climate-controlled storage facility in Cleveland.  Since Chattanooga was named “Best Town Ever” this past…

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Riverbend organizers wake from 19-year cryogenic hibernation, book hottest bands from 1996

in Culture/Riverbend

At a press conference yesterday afternoon, organizers of the annual Riverbend summer music festival announced the final lineup for this year’s event, after being cryogenically frozen for nearly two decades. “We listened to all of you who said to us, ‘Show me the money!’” said Riverbend organizer Joselyn Boykinns. “We…

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Faith and Family Night headliner TobyMac revealed to be CeeLo Green in disguise.

in Riverbend

Riverbend’s Faith and Family night headliner TobyMac was discovered this afternoon to be none other than singer CeeLo Green in disguise. Mr. Green was banned by festival organizers last year after a profanity-laden performance that upset many Riverbend attendees. “We noticed something was amiss when Mr Mac arrived a bit…

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Basil Marceaux makes surprise appearance at Riverbend’s Silent Disco

in Riverbend

To much surprise for many in attendance at tonight’s Silent Disco during Riverbend, former Tennessee Republican gubernatorial nominee and entrepreneur Basil Marceaux added DJ to his ever growing repertoire. Marceaux explained to Riverbend officials he hopes his beats will “make the people of the silent disco feel freer than they did yesterday.” “It’s… it’s…

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