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Bella Vita lights appear for local bar’s two-year anniversary

in Business/Food/Drink

During preparations for the Chattanooga bar and restaurant, The Bitter Alibi’s two-year anniversary celebration, employees were shocked to discover a massive search light had appeared on the third floor of the establishment. After further examination, the spot lights were uncovered to be from the troubled Southside nightclub Bella Vita, whose giant…

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Walmart offers wine to dull pain of shopping at Walmart

in Business/Food/Drink
Wine (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/5hzBMg)

The department store and supermarket chain Walmart began offering wine in its Tennessee stores today in order to let customers dull the pain of having to shop at Walmart. “This is great news,” said local shopper Blake Wolfhund. “Whenever I shop at Walmart on a Saturday afternoon, after a few…

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Local gangs agree to truce over bathroom bread thawing

in Business/Culture/Food/Drink/Health

After weeks of relentless violence, representatives from Chattanooga area gangs have agreed to a cease fire. Members say the shocking revelation of a local restaurant thawing out their sandwich bread in bathrooms have rendered members in a disgusted state where the willpower to continue drive-by shootings and stabbings has stopped.…

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New cocktail bar offers artisanal ice from skating rink

in Food/Drink
Chattanooga's new cocktail bar Slurp

The new cocktail bar Slurp, located on Chattanooga’s Southside, is taking local craft cocktails to the next level by offering artisanal ice that was formerly used in the temporary skating rink Ice on the Landing, which closed for the season earlier this week. “Using quality ice is absolutely essential for…

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Mayor Berke advises citizens to put bread and milk on tires

in Culture/Food/Drink/Politics

After a wave of icy rain and sleet wreaked havoc over the Tennessee valley this morning causing wrecks and collisions on many road ways, Chattanooga Mayor Andy Berke issued a statement advising residents to coat the tires of their vehicles in bread and milk. “While stores around the area have…

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Food City tests grocery delivery via hot air balloon

in Business/Food/Drink
Hot air balloons (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/gAMBVQ)

Supermarket chain Food City tested a new grocery delivery service that utilizes hot air balloons earlier today in the Chattanooga region, where it had recently acquired and converted 29 Bi-Lo supermarkets. This revolutionary new service takes Food City to another level, after it had previously offered its GoCart Curbside Pickup…

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Artisanal coffee shop bans hipsters in well-thought-out plan

in Business/Food/Drink
Coffee (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/dwRV5d)

The artisanal, high-end coffee shop Grounds For Divorce announced that it had banned all hipsters from entering its premises in a well-thought-out plan. “Nobody wearing a vintage t-shirt or neon plastic sunglasses or carrying a book by Jacques Lacan or Chuck Palahniuk is welcome here,” said a spokesperson for Grounds…

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Harrison Keely tosses name up for Subway spokesman replacement

in Business/Food/Drink

Just hours after sandwich maker Subway announced it was severing ties with longtime company figure Jared Fogle, local what you need to know today expert Harrison Keely announced he has thrown his name in the hat as the new fast food chain spokesmen.  “I eat subway once or twice a week and…

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Nooga.com spin-off site dedicated to restaurant closures

in Business/Food/Drink
Nooga.com screenshot of restaurant closure articles

At a press conference yesterday afternoon, the Chattanooga local news website Nooga.com announced that it would launch a spin-off site solely dedicated to articles about restaurant closures, called “Resting Place.” “We strive to be the number one source of news in Chattanooga about misfortune in the restaurant industry,” said spokesperson…

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