Category archive

Business - page 3

Republic Parking now accepts severed arms, legs as payment

in Business
Parking lot (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/4sG5xG)

After Republic Parking received criticism for sharply increasing its parking fee in downtown Chattanooga temporarily to $20 during the recent Ironman competition, it announced that it would now accept severed arms and legs from those unable to come up with the necessary cash. “We overheard people saying that it cost…

Keep Reading

John Wise begins 900 room apartment construction on site of recently denounced Confederate cemetery

in Business

After Mayor Berke announced the city of Chattanooga would renounce the Confederate Cemetery on East Third Street, Developer John Wise announced he has already begun erecting a 900 room apartment complex. The construction began just days after many cities throughout the United States began removing Confederate monuments from public spaces.…

Keep Reading

Downtown digital billboard to air only Times Free Press digital reports

in Business

To appease the massive amount of fans for the new giant digital billboard downtown and the Chattanooga Times Free Press’ digital reporting videos, a representative from Fairway Outdoor Advertising announced plans to merge the two local favorites into one. Soon, commuters traveling on Market Street will be able to stay…

Keep Reading

City eliminates all crime by closing one convenience store

in Business/Politics
The Westside Shop

In one astounding move, the City of Chattanooga eliminated all crime, including gang activity and drug deals, by closing down a single convenience store: the Westside Shop. “Why didn’t we think of this earlier?” said a representative from the Hamilton County District Attorney’s office. “Who would’ve thought it would be…

Keep Reading

Chief Fred Fletcher announces plans to sell dietary supplements after retirement

in Business/Politics

Some weeks after Chattanooga Police Chief Fred Fletcher announced retirement after his contract ends this summer, Fletcher revealed plans to supplement his income by offering a broad range of dietary and energy supplements. Fletcher, who has been Chattanooga Police chief since 2014, has always dreamed of being his own boss…

Keep Reading

UTC buys Chattanooga Bystander for the fourth anniversary and immediately fires staff

in Business/Education/Politics

For the fourth anniversary of Chattanooga Bystander, the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga announced it has bought the publication to add to its collection of hard-hitting journalism it can tamper with. Little did they know, Bystander writers Dirk Savage and Francis Porkloin would soon be jobless. Chattanooga Bystander, which was…

Keep Reading

Go to Top