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Chattanooga Moxy to rebrand after learning no one has had sex there

in Business

Just months after opening as the new hip “hook up” hotel in downtown Chattanooga, managers of the Moxy were disappointed to learn that zero acts of sexual intercourse have taken place within its 108 rooms or public restrooms. Sources say renovations have begun to replace large pictures of millennials drinking…

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TDOT advising everyone to just stay home during I-75/24 split construction

in Business

This week during a press conference discussing the plans of the upcoming I-75 and I-24 split construction, a representative for the Tennessee Department of Transportation announced that motorists should probably just stay home during the project. The construction, which will begin this summer, will bring devastation to the area that…

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John Wise begins rebuilding all properties after last weeks devastating earthquakes

in Business

Just one week after devastating earthquakes rocked the Tennessee Valley area, local developer John Wise announced rebuilding has begun after every one of his buildings was destroyed. Sources say the actual dollar value of buildings destroyed will total into the hundreds and possibly even thousand. Experts were stunned after literally…

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Trump to kick off “Shutdown Week” with bankruptcy seminar

in Business/Politics/Trumpanooga '18
Shutdown Week Chattanooga

The White House announced that President Trump will kick off “Shutdown Week” with a bankruptcy seminar, as part of his Sunday visit to Chattanooga. Trump has received criticism for having gone through four bankruptcies involving various hotels, casinos and resorts, and although claimed to be a self-made billionaire, Trump received…

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Golden Corral’s “Pay Your Age” promotion fails to draw crowds

in Business/Food/Drink
Senior lady

Golden Corral restaurants in the Chattanooga area failed to draw huge crowds today for its one-day-only “Pay Your Age” promotion. “We really didn’t think this one through,” said restaurant manager Pat Sanesca. “We should’ve known that our core customers are all senior citizens in their 60s, 70s, 80s or older.”…

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EPB urges use of paper porn during Internet outage

in Business/Culture
Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/ZtS2J
Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/ZtS2J

Power company and Internet provider EPB asked its customers to use paper porn during a temporary Internet outage earlier today. “For many of you, we know, based on your Internet browsing history, that online porn is a part of your lives, morning, noon and night,” said EPB representative Kris Sobiscan.…

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