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John Wise begins 900 room apartment construction on site of recently denounced Confederate cemetery

in Business

After Mayor Berke announced the city of Chattanooga would renounce the Confederate Cemetery on East Third Street, Developer John Wise announced he has already begun erecting a 900 room apartment complex. The construction began just days after many cities throughout the United States began removing Confederate monuments from public spaces.…

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Chief Fred Fletcher announces plans to sell dietary supplements after retirement

in Business/Politics

Some weeks after Chattanooga Police Chief Fred Fletcher announced retirement after his contract ends this summer, Fletcher revealed plans to supplement his income by offering a broad range of dietary and energy supplements. Fletcher, who has been Chattanooga Police chief since 2014, has always dreamed of being his own boss…

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UTC buys Chattanooga Bystander for the fourth anniversary and immediately fires staff

in Business/Education/Politics

For the fourth anniversary of Chattanooga Bystander, the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga announced it has bought the publication to add to its collection of hard-hitting journalism it can tamper with. Little did they know, Bystander writers Dirk Savage and Francis Porkloin would soon be jobless. Chattanooga Bystander, which was…

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Paul Barys spotted in undisclosed bar doing shots in preparation for tonight’s storm

in Business/Culture

In preparation for the severe storms heading into the area, local weatherman Paul Barys has been spotted downing shots of bourbon and other alcoholic beverages for the long night ahead. “Let’s forecast┬áthis shit, Barys┬ábeard style,” exclaimed Meteorologist┬áPaul Barys, while vomiting into a WRCB hat.    

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