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Dirk Savage

Dirk Savage has 135 articles published.

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Trump vows to only use Presidential Alerts about Chattanooga Red Wolves Soccer Club

in Sports/Rec/Trumpanooga '18

During his speech in Chattanooga Today, President Donald J Trump announced he will only use the new controversial Presidential Alert system to make announcements about the new Chattanooga Red Wolves Soccer Club. “You know that I know that Red Wolves Soccer is the best Soccer in Chattanooga”, explained Trump. “Believe…

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Trump rally extended for one hour while he tries to pronounce Thongnopnua

in Politics/Trumpanooga '18

A representative from the Trump caravan announced tonight’s rally will be extended one hour after the president saw a “Joda Thongnopnua for House District 30” sign during his flight to the area. As with words like “anonymous,” the president will need more time to try and pronounce the district 30 candidate’s name.…

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Mike Pence ponders move to Chattanooga area after learning of two Golden Corral locations

in Food/Drink/Trumpanooga '18

During his weekend visit to the Chattanooga area, acting Vice President Mike Pence announced he is considering relocating somewhere in town after learning of two Golden Corral eateries, one in Chattanooga, and one in Fort Oglethorpe. Experts say Golden Corral is a favorite dining establishment among southern Churchgoers, who do not see…

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TDOT misspells the rest of onramp signage for Trump’s arrival

in Trumpanooga '18

In an effort to appeal to Trump during his visit to Chattanooga today, the Tennessee Department of Transportation has announced that all onramp signage will be changed to an alternative spelling of whatever it was originally supposed to say. Experts believe residents can also look for the popular trump word…

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Swimming portion of Ironman back on after Tennessee River drained and refilled

in Sports/Rec

Just days after Ironman officials announced the swimming portion of Sunday’s Chattanooga Ironman was canceled due to strong currents and higher levels of E. coli, participants were amazed to hear they would once again take to the water after the Army Corps of Engineers Ironman division were able to successfully drain and refill the…

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Unopposed loses big once again in area elections

in Politics

As polls closed this evening for elections around the Tennessee Valley, supporters of candidate Unopposed were once again left with their hearts broken. Supporters of Unopposed are blaming the mainstream media for not giving candidate Unopposed equal speaking time. “It’s freaking bullshit that the powers that be don’t allow Unopposed to participate…

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