March 2020

Everyday heroes: adult bookstore donates 1,000 gimp masks to local hospitals

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A Chattanooga adult bookstore has responded to the issue of limited supplies of face masks for medical personnel and caretakers, in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, by donating 1,000 gimp masks to hospitals. “It warms my heart to see such an outpouring of kindness and generosity during this challenging time,” said local bondage enthusiast

Experts warn: cheaper-than-milk gas is no substitute for milk

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With the price of gasoline dropping well below $2 a gallon in Chattanooga, making it less expensive than milk, experts are reminding residents that gas is not an acceptable substitute for milk. Facing the COVID-19 pandemic, residents are seeing local grocery stores sell out of staples and necessities like milk, bread, and toilet paper, sometimes

10-person gathering limit devastates local orgy community

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Shockwaves were felt throughout Chattanooga’s orgy community after Tennessee Governor Bill Lee signed Executive Order 17, which prohibits social gatherings of more than 10 people. “How am I supposed to get off by having sex with less than 10 people?” said local swinger and orgy enthusiast Kelly Tristhem. “All I’m asking for, and this isn’t

Friends of the Festival hoping COVID-19 sticks around long enough to blame it on low Riverbend turnout

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After many music festivals around the globe are canceling upcoming events due to the COVID-19 outbreak, a spokeswoman for Friends of the Festival announced they believe the outbreak will probably, or I’m sure most definitely cause a low turnout for this years Riverbend festival. “Oh man, it’s really too bad that :cough cough: I won’t

Blue Orleans owners say “screw it”, will transform the restaurant into a Cicis

After going thru a massive transformation courtesy of the hit television series “Restaurant: Impossible”, Blue Orleans owners Mike Adams and Cherita Bloodwirth announced plans to abandon the New Orleans style restaurant and open a Cicis instead. Sources say patrons of the newly made-over restaurant were shocked to hear of the news, but we’re pretty excited