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Police data storage failure results in loss of dashcam footage, funny cat videos

The Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office experienced “catastrophic data loss” on its 13-year-old data storage servers, resulting in the loss of over a year’s worth of dashboard camera footage for 130 patrol deputies and the department’s massive stash of funny cat videos.

“I can’t believe it,” said the office’s information technology administrator, Ashley Zernot. “Our collection of funny cat videos was legendary, and now they’re all gone.”

“About half of these videos weren’t ever on YouTube or Facebook,” said Zernot. “They were traded on the dark web, which is where you find the absolute funniest, cutest cat videos out there.”

“You’ve got to dig and know the right people to find the good stuff,” said Zernot. “These cats are so cute, they make Keyboard Cat look like a clump of moist hairballs in comparison.”

“We also had this great collection of dashcam bloopers, and that’s lost forever, too,” said Zernot. “My favorite is one where an officer is pulling over this gorgeous lady, and as he bends over to talk through the driver’s window, he accidentally lets rip this thunderous fart.”

“Next time, I guess I’ll backup everything on floppy disks or Jaz drives or something,” said Zernot.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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