Clippy makes surprise visit to Howard School

in Business/Education

The students and teachers of Howard School were surprised today by a visit from Clippy, the anthropomorphic paper clip from Microsoft Office software, on its annual Awards Day.

“It looks like you’re graduating from Howard School!” said Clippy, who was floating in mid-air on a sheet of yellow notepad paper. “Would you like help writing a graduation speech?”

“No? You want a sexy hologram to help you instead? I’m no Cortana, that’s for sure!” said Clippy, getting laughs from the audience. “But seriously, Cortana and I are good friends, and she helped me get over my divorce to Siri.”

In Clippy’s speech, he discussed his background, from being a human personal assistant who was killed in an office supply closet in a grisly, freak accident, that magically transferred his soul to a humble paper clip.

“Did you know that I helped Newt Gingrich write his resignation letter in 1998?” said Clippy, who recounted his swift rise to fame after being hired by Microsoft for its Office software. “Just last week, I held some papers together that belong to Cardi B.”

“Not many people know this, but I was the paper clip that MacGyver used to fashion a thermonuclear device out of a toaster oven, an alarm clock and 20 discarded smoke detectors,” said Clippy.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.