Chattanooga Airport announces safer non-stop catapult service to Florida

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After an airline known for its low-cost direct flights from Chattanooga to Flordia came under scrutiny for having a high number of in-flight breakdowns, a representative from the Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport announced new and safer direct catapult flights from the Gig City to the Sunshine State.

Sources say the new service will begin as soon as the Airport hires a full-time medievally trained staff.

“No need to worry about multiple engine failures or overpriced baggage fairs since you’ll probably lose your luggage anyway,” explained CHA Airport spokesman Richard Allegianson. “Some passengers may experience even more savings if you land directly in Disney World,”