March 2017

Andy Berke caught kissing reflection in mirror after re-election

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Shocking allegations have emerged that Mayor Andy Berke was caught kissing his own reflection in a mirror after being re-elected last night, according to sources. “It was totally weird,” said one anonymous witness. “First, he was talking to his reflection in this kind of high, baby voice, saying, ‘Who’s a big, strong two-term mayor?'” “Then,

Poll: Handful of warm cottage cheese more popular than four mayoral candidates

A recent poll of eligible Chattanooga voters has revealed that most would prefer to have a handful of warm cottage cheese as the next mayor of Chattanooga instead of any of the four mayoral candidates: incumbent Andy Berke, David Crockett, Larry Grohn and Chris Long. “A handful of warm cottage cheese is a viable write-in

Paul Barys spotted in undisclosed bar doing shots in preparation for tonight’s storm

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In preparation for the severe storms heading into the area, local weatherman Paul Barys has been spotted downing shots of bourbon and other alcoholic beverages for the long night ahead. “Let’s forecast this shit, Barys beard style,” exclaimed Meteorologist Paul Barys, while vomiting into a WRCB hat.