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February 2017

Larry Grohn to play Wolverine in next X-Men movie

in Culture/Politics
Larry Grohn as Wolverine

After actor Hugh Jackman announced his intention last year to step down from portraying the comic-book character Wolverine, Marvel Entertainment announced that it has hired Chattanooga mayoral candidate and District 4 Councilman Larry Grohn to be the new Wolverine. “I am super pumped to portray this hairy mutant,” said Grohn.…

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Southside Social doubles down on dress code, requires tuxedos, gowns

in Business/Food/Drink

After receiving overwhelmingly negative feedback regarding its dress code, the bar and bowling alley Southside Social doubled down on its dress code, now requiring all patrons to wear tuxedos and gowns. “We here at the Southside Social want to keep things classy, so that’s why all customers will be required…

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Trump arrives in Chattanooga for Southside Social’s new dress code unveiling

in Business/Politics

After months of these darn kids causing a ruckus, Chattanooga’s Southside Social announced a new dress code that will be unveiled by none other than President Donald J Trump. The arrival comes after a representative from the establishment vowed to “Make Southside Social Great Again!”. Experts believe some new requirements…

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Andy Berke releases Larry Grohn’s grandson’s Algebra homework

in Politics

After a week of grueling debates between candidates¬†for the 2017 Chattanooga Mayorship, Andy Berke has announced he has uncovered opponent Councilman Larry Grohn’s grandson’s Algebra homework. The revelation comes just days after Grohn¬†released some bullshit he thought was worthwhile against Berke. Experts believe Councilman Larry Grohn secretly helped his grandson…

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