Police blame Hamilton Place Mall incident on the shit show that is 2016

in Business/Culture

Some 24 hours after fireworks were set off in Hamilton Place Mall that caused a commotion with multiple injuries, Chattanooga police have placed the blame to none other than the year 2016.

“It’s been pretty much a terrible year for humanity, so why not place the blame on 2016,” explained Chattanooga Police spokesmen Duke Shitemen. “I wouldn’t be surprised if some lousy kids dressed in the numbers 2016 were able to pull this off and get away scot-free.”

Sources believe this won’t be the last time 2016 will rear its ugly head.

“We are currently preparing for the strong possibility of 2016 causing the Tennessee River to drain, only to re-appear on Missionary Ridge with St Elmo floating in it,” exclaimed Shitemen.
“After the year we’ve endured, why not?”