City council approves ending 2016 one month early

in Politics

The Chattanooga City Council unanimously approved legislation yesterday to end the year 2016 one month early.

“Fuck this shit,” said the City Council in a written statement. “We are done with 2016. Let’s just start anew with 2017 already and just forget about December, even though it has a bunch of awesome holidays.”

2016 has been a turbulent year for Chattanooga, and recently, it has had to deal with raging wildfires, a tragic school bus accident, and a devastating fire at a building off Main Street, in addition to tornado watches and flash flooding within the last 24 hours.

“If 2017 starts badly in January, then we might just skip that year entirely,” said the City Council. “Heck, we might just vote to skip the next four years.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.