After the shocking victory of Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Presidential election, Democratic Party leaders have asked local Democrats to help extinguish the raging wildfires with their plentiful teardrops.
“I literally can’t stop crying,” said the weeping Chattanooga resident Kris Ferugina while waiting to board a helicopter which will fly over areas affected by wildfires. “I don’t know how I can tell my children the news that the next president is a xenophobic bigot who mocks people with disabilities, bashes war heroes and brags about sexual assault.”
Democratic challengers Melody Shekari and Khristy Wilkinson were also defeated in races against Republican incumbents Rep. Chuck Fleischmann and state Senator Todd Gardenhire, respectively, assuring that Democratic tears would flow like the rushing waters of Fall Creek Falls.
“Cry your pretty little eyes out,” said Hamilton County Democratic Party Chairman Ashley Fiannan. “Let’s put out those fires quickly. You have until this weekend to get it all out of your system. Snap to it, we’ve got a lot of work to do, to fight some toxic bullshit.”