Monthly archive

April 2016

Jack Bauer to play Revelry Room, eliminate gang violence in 24 hours

in Culture/Politics
Jack Bauer

At a press conference this afternoon, the City of Chattanooga announced that it had hired agent Jack Bauer for a 24-hour period starting Sunday evening, during which he will perform a set of country music at the Revelry Room and also solve Chattanooga’s gang violence problem by any means necessary.…

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Local gangs agree to truce over bathroom bread thawing

in Business/Culture/Food/Drink/Health

After weeks of relentless violence, representatives from Chattanooga area gangs have agreed to a cease fire. Members say the shocking revelation of a local restaurant thawing out their sandwich bread in bathrooms have rendered members in a disgusted state where the willpower to continue drive-by shootings and stabbings has stopped.…

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New Tenn. bill makes transgender students wear adult diapers

in Education/Politics
Restroom sign

After the “bathroom bill” passed in a Tennessee House panel that would require transgender students to use bathrooms that correspond with the gender on their birth certificates, new legislation was proposed that would make transgender students wear adult diapers instead of using bathroom facilities. Civil rights and LGBT advocacy groups…

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