Superintendent Rick Smith to provide clear, prompt communication about vacation plans

in Education
Rick Smith on spring break (Modified under CC-BY-SA-2.0. Source: flic.kr/p/adPFWx)
Rick Smith on spring break (Modified under CC-BY-SA-2.0. Source: flic.kr/p/adPFWx)

Hamilton County Schools Superintendent Rick Smith announced today at a press conference that he would provide clear, prompt communication to the school board about his vacation plans.

“It is my solemn duty to keep the school board and the public informed about how I spend my vacation,” said Smith, who would be on leave before retiring on July 1. “I’ll post selfies every day to Facebook and Instagram, whether I am on the beach in Cancun or riding my four-wheeler through the mud in my backyard.”

“At the end of each day, I will provide metrics regarding how many beers I drank and how many chicken wings I ate,” said Smith, who was wearing sunglasses, shorts and a Kid Rock t-shirt.

“My personal best is 62 wings in one sitting,” said Smith proudly. “And those were hot wings. Breaded.”

Smith was criticized for waiting over two and a half weeks before holding a news conference to inform the public about the Ooltewah High School basketball team rape case and withholding from the school board for several months a highly critical report from the Tennessee Department of Education about the poor academic progress of the five lowest-performing Hamilton County schools.

Last week, the school board voted to not grant a $269,000 buy-out of Smith’s contract, and even without a buy-out package, Smith will receive a pension of approximately $95,000 a year, plus more than $234,000 in vacation pay.

“Spring break starts early for this guy,” said Smith, while pointing at himself with his thumbs. “After this press conference, I’m heading down to Daytona Beach to work on my tan.”

“Spring break! Woo!” said Smith, before pulling up his shirt to reveal his chest.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.