Edgy “Best of the Best” awards gala hosted by “Worst of the Worst”

in Business/Culture
Award gala (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/7K8NtU) Inset: Chattanooga Police's "Worst of the Worst"
Awards gala (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/7K8NtU) Inset: Chattanooga Police’s “Worst of the Worst”

This year, for the Chattanooga Times Free Press‘ annual “Best of the Best” awards gala, organizers took it into an edgy, new direction by having it hosted by the 32 criminals deemed the “Worst of the Worst” by the Chattanooga Police Department in 2013.

Accusations of being racist were not only levied against the Police Chief at the time, Bobby Dodd, for compiling the list of criminals who were all black men, but also to the Times Free Press for its front page coverage of the list, with mugshots of all 32 men.

The awards gala hosts who were currently serving prison sentences attended as part of their public service obligations, wearing their orange prison uniforms with shackles around their ankles and wrists.

“This year’s award for ‘Best All-Around Restaurant’ goes to…J. Motherfucking Alexander’s!” said one host. “Aw shit, maybe next year, Cheddar’s!”

“The 2015 award for ‘Best Chattanoogan’ goes to…Julie Baumgardner, President and CEO of First Things First,” said another host, before a roar of applause. “Damn, girl.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.