April 2015

Finally! Casey barge has been moved…. to the other side of the river.

Chattanoogans rejoice! The Casey barge has been moved, to the other side of the river! The move comes after months and months of failed attempts to have the dilapidated barge moved.  “I’m grateful we were finally able to get that eyesore out of here,” exclaimed Chattanooga Mayor Andy Berke. “I guess we should have mentioned

Just Busted wins Pulitzer for fearless reporting of bong-related arrests

The local mugshot newspaper Just Busted was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Public Service Journalism today, for what was described by the Pulitzer committee as “fearless journalism about bong and dimebag-related arrests.” “Few other publications are brave enough to put photos of these weed-smoking teenagers alongside mugshots of wife-beaters, rapists and armed robbers,” said the

State legislators propose 9-month waiting period for abortions


After the Tennessee Senate approved a bill that would require a 48-hour waiting period for women seeking abortions, some legislators proposed extending the length of the waiting period to nine months. “We just want to make sure women have really, really thought this through before having an abortion,” said State Senator Geoff Fedherr. “Once, on

TN House votes Billy Ray Cyrus bio “Hillbilly Heart” as official state book


The biography of country music superstar Billy Ray Cyrus, “Hillbilly Heart,” was voted by the Tennessee House of Representatives to be the official book of Tennessee. The GOP-led effort, spearheaded by Representative Jerry Sexton, originally sought to make the Bible the official book of Tennessee but ran into resistance from those who claimed it violated

Loose hobbit spotted downtown


The Chattanooga Police Department has urged residents to remain calm after numerous people have reported sightings of a loose hobbit in the downtown area over the last few days. “Hobbits generally appear to be friendly creatures, around four feet tall with giant, hairy feet, but don’t be deceived,” said Galen Dielecki, hobbit expert and zoologist

State Sen. Gardenhire unveils new “Insure the Assholes” plan


After Governor Bill Haslam’s “Insure Tennessee” plan to provide coverage for approximately 280,000 uninsured Tennesseeans was voted down for a second time on Tuesday, State Senator Todd Gardenhire announced that he had drafted a bill called “Insure the Assholes” and is seeking bipartisan support. Gardenhire received criticism from progressives for voting against “Insure Tennessee” twice,