Monthly archive

February 2015

BREAKING: Paul Barys seen pulling snow machine through Chattanooga streets

in Culture

Channel 3 Chief Meteorologist Paul Barys was spotted this morning blasting a wintery mix from a snow machine after yesterday’s forecast failed to make an appearance. “If mother nature doesn’t want to cooperate, then I teach that son of a bitch a lesson,” exclaimed Barys, while wiping unfrozen rain from his beard.

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Majestic 12 calls in Hazmat, pressure washer truck after Fifty Shades of Grey opening day

in Culture

After an eventful opening day of the new hit movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”, management for the Majestic 12 theaters downtown had to contact a local Hazmat team and a pressure washer truck for what could only be called a “disaster of gooey proportions.” Teams responded to reports of theater…

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Chattanooga Boys Choir’s “Hollerin’ at Bitches from a Tree” snubbed at Grammys

in Culture

The LP, “Hollerin’ at Bitches from a Tree” from the local Chattanooga Boys Choir failed to snag best album at the 2015 Grammy awards last night.  “These boys work so hard to scale a fake tree every year and holler at some bitches, “exclaimed Chattanooga Boys Choir director Terry Francisco. “It…

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Nooga.com spin-off site dedicated to restaurant closures

in Business/Food/Drink
Nooga.com screenshot of restaurant closure articles

At a press conference yesterday afternoon, the Chattanooga local news website Nooga.com announced that it would launch a spin-off site solely dedicated to articles about restaurant closures, called “Resting Place.” “We strive to be the number one source of news in Chattanooga about misfortune in the restaurant industry,” said spokesperson…

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