Election wrap-up: Republicans, bingo-playing winos pleased by election results

in Politics
Voting instructions (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/rMpQF)
Voting instructions (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/rMpQF)

* Republicans, bingo-playing winos pleased by election results

* Gov. Haslam pulls football away at last second as Democratic opponent tries to kick it

* Coat-hanger industry stocks soar upon news of Amendment 1 passing

* Vietnam veterans can now legally recreate the Russian Roulette scene from “The Deer Hunter” for charity under Amendment 4

* Passing of “wine in supermarkets” referendum finally allows consumers to purchase Mad Dog 20/20, ammo, birth control, Miracle Whip, gerbils and video cameras in one place

* Bald, adulterous patient-fucker re-elected

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