June 2014

Man Xpo about sports, trucks and perpetuating patriarchal hegemony


Man Xpo, called “Chattanooga’s first manly man event,” will celebrate sports, hunting, trucks, cigars, beer and the perpetuation of the patriarchal hegemony today at Finley Stadium and the First Tennessee Pavilion. “James Brown sang, ‘It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World,’ and no truer words have been sung,” said Man Xpo spokesperson Kent Broadchest. “Every day

New Police Chief gets non-traditional 21-gun salute during first week of job

Chattanooga’s new Police Chief Fred Fletcher was greeted during his first official week on the job with a non-traditional 21-gun salute. “Welcome to Chattanooga!” said an unnamed resident wearing pantyhose over his head, before discharging all rounds of a Glock pistol while waving it around, as part of the unsanctioned salute. During this particularly bloody

City approves changing bakery’s doughnut mural to dildo mural


After Chattanooga city inspectors told Koch’s Bakery on Broad Street that the nearby flying-doughnut mural the bakery commissioned was an illegal form of advertising, citing Chattanooga’s sign ordinance, the inspectors were placated by the bakery’s new plans to change the mural to become a landscape of dildos. “Koch’s isn’t selling dildos, so the new mural

Little Debbie adds competitive eating to Ironman Chattanooga


After officially becoming the title sponsor of the inaugural Chattanooga Ironman competition, snack food company Little Debbie and its parent company McKee Foods announced that it would add a competitive eating section to the race. “The Ironman triathlon is an institution in the world of athletics,” said Little Debbie spokesperson Samantha Dettus. “And competitive eating

Faith and Family Night headliner TobyMac revealed to be CeeLo Green in disguise.

Riverbend’s Faith and Family night headliner TobyMac was discovered this afternoon to be none other than singer CeeLo Green in disguise. Mr. Green was banned by festival organizers last year after a profanity-laden performance that upset many Riverbend attendees. “We noticed something was amiss when Mr Mac arrived a bit heavier and not dressed like

Basil Marceaux makes surprise appearance at Riverbend’s Silent Disco

To much surprise for many in attendance at tonight’s Silent Disco during Riverbend, former Tennessee Republican gubernatorial nominee and entrepreneur Basil Marceaux added DJ to his ever growing repertoire. Marceaux explained to Riverbend officials he hopes his beats will “make the people of the silent disco feel freer than they did yesterday.” “It’s… it’s time to drop the Bass..il.