New Police Chief must have ability to sing National Anthem, Berke declares

in Politics
Hamilton County Deputy Sheriff singing National Anthem
Hamilton County Deputy Sheriff singing National Anthem

At a press conference yesterday afternoon, Mayor Andy Berke provided a status update regarding the search for the new Chattanooga Police Chief after former Chief Bobby Dodd retired last December, mentioning that the candidate list has been whittled down to fewer than 20 applicants and that the new Chief must have the ability to sing the National Anthem.

“The butchering of the National Anthem by a Hamilton County deputy sheriff several years ago is still fresh upon our minds,” said Berke. “We must never, ever let this happen again, for the sake of our city’s reputation, and so our children can hold their heads up high when speaking about their hometown.”

Berke was referring to the viral video of a poor delivery of the National Anthem with incorrect lyrics that gained widespread notoriety across the nation, even making Time magazine’s top ten list of “Worst National-Anthem Renditions” before the deputy was able to perform a “do over” on Good Morning America earlier this year, aided by Dierks Bentley.

In addition to having ample police leadership experience, a bachelor’s degree and knowledge about violence reduction programs, the new Police Chief will be judged by a panel of local music industry experts, American Idol-style, in a live televised singing competition.

“We should have high expectations for our next Police Chief,” said Berke. “We would expect no less in the land of the brave, and the home of the free.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.