After the engaged celebrities Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher announced today that they were expecting their first child, Kunis made the shocking revelation that the father wasn’t Kutcher but instead was a gnome named Winkle McTwinklebuttergingersnap whom Kunis met while visiting Rock City last December.
Kunis apologized for her infidelity, and Kutcher has committed to being a loyal husband and raising the child as if it were his own.
“It all happened so suddenly,” said Kunis. “While Ashton was signing autographs for people in the Goblin’s Underpass, I went on ahead to Fairyland Caverns.”
“I just have this weakness for tiny, bearded, pipe-smoking, pointy-red-hat-wearing men,” said Kunis. “And I’ll be honest with you. Filming Black Swan really kind of screwed me up, and I haven’t been the same since.”
McTwinklebuttergingersnap could not be reached for comment.