Marion County to install traffic cams to track aggressive bicyclists

in Politics/Sports/Rec
Bicycle camera (Modified, used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/2X7nYi)
Bicycle camera (Modified, used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/2X7nYi)

Residents of Marion County were rocked by the news that two teens in a truck were terrorized by what could only be described as a deranged bicyclist who wielded a camera-phone and touched the truck’s bumper with his hand, and inspired by the Lookout Mountain community, which recently raised money to install license-plate-reading cameras to combat burglaries, Marion County is planning on installing cameras in order to specifically track aggressive bicyclists.

“Those poor kids,” said Marion County resident Reba Sillvagh. “They were just out for a leisurely Saturday drive on Raccoon Mountain, pleasantly cozying up to bicyclists really close on the road and warmly greeting them by revving the engine and tooting air horns, and then this one bicyclist just goes nuts and starts calling the cops and taking pictures of them.”

“They must have been so afraid,” said Sillvagh. “So afraid, that they went home, picked up some more friends, got in another vehicle, found the bicyclist and then pepper-sprayed him.”

“These traffic cameras are state-of-the-art, able to zero in on renegade bicyclists – and only bicyclists – with pinpoint accuracy,” said Marion County Police Chief Derek Druckerson.

“We’ll be able to track their every move and see every detail on them,” said Druckerson. “These high-resolution cameras can even pick up that disturbing pelvic bulge visible through their cycling skinsuit.”

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