Weston Wamp’s semen announces 2040 Congressional run

in Politics
Weston Wamp (l), Weston Wamp's semen (r)
Weston Wamp (l), Weston Wamp’s semen (r)

Weston Wamp, the son of former U.S. Representative for Tennessee’s 3rd District Zach Wamp, mounted a campaign in 2012 to run for the same office at the age of 25, which is the minimum age allowed for a person to run for the House of Representatives.

While opponents and critics frequently mentioned Wamp’s young age and lack of experience, supporters extolled his intelligence and fresh vision, and ultimately, Wamp lost the Republican primary election to Chuck Fleischmann, who currently holds the seat.

At a press conference today, Weston Wamp’s semen made the bold announcement that it is planning to run in the 2040 Congressional race, which is the earliest election for which it would be eligible to run.

Wamp’s seminal fluid, which was stored in an Erlenmeyer flask, presented its vision for the future of Chattanooga and the U.S.A. and made a vow to represent all voices and keep the city, state and nation moving in the right direction.

While many were impressed by the microscopic sperm, dressed in a tiny blazer and dress shirt with the top button unbuttoned, others were skeptical, with Wamp’s semen leaving a bad taste in people’s mouths.

“This is just another hot-shot gamete who thinks he knows what’s best for everyone,” said radio commentator Lewis Ramseur. “I mean, come on, he hasn’t even fertilized an ovum, yet.”

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