Earlier this week, the residents of the town Signal Mountain, located on Walden Ridge, awarded themselves the honor of “Best Place in Tennessee” after obtaining the results of a poll, in which only Signal Mountain inhabitants voted.
“We’re number one! We’re number one!” said the crowd of residents in a chant at the ceremony.
“Other towns and cities in Tennessee can go bite a dick,” said Signal Mountain town crier Leopold Windsor. “Our low crime and unemployment rates, well-educated populace and beautiful scenery make us the most ultra mega super-awesomest town in the state, and possibly the whole nation, planet and universe.”
“Just look at our new state-of-the-art Middle/High School,” said Windsor. “Our panoramic views. Our homogeneous demographics. We’ve got a house that looks like a freakin’ UFO too, so everybody else should just stop trying, ’cause we’re the best. We did it.”