UTC to provide free megaphones to professors, students

in Education
Megaphone (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: tinyurl.com/lsw9q2e)
Megaphone (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: tinyurl.com/lsw9q2e)

In response to numerous requests for the administration of the University of Tennessee, Chattanooga (UTC) to deal with the issue of evangelical preacher Angela Cummings, a self-declared “saint” who has caused a stir with her outdoor, on-campus sermons, considered by many to be excessively loud and disruptive for nearby classes, UTC has implemented a new program to provide the use of megaphones for professors and students, free of charge.

“Our hands are pretty much tied,” said UTC provost Dr. Braden Hunniford at a press conference yesterday afternoon. “Rev. Cummings is exercising her First Amendment freedom-of-speech rights, so right now, we can’t do a thing to remove her from our campus or to shut her piehole.”

“But what we can do is give everyone these police-grade megaphones,” said Hunniford. “If it gets difficult to hear a professor’s lecture over this screeching harpy’s self-righteous yappings, then have the professor use one of these megaphones in order to be heard. It’s that simple.”

The issue received national attention in the last week after 24-year-old Colton Montvalo was arrested for disorderly conduct and other charges, who attempted to speak with Cummings after breaching a barricade surrounding her with his bicycle.

In addition to this, Hunniford described an effort to propose a new Constitutional Amendment which is gaining considerable traction, which would improve the original text of the First Amendment, by clarifying that “Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, unless it is that of Angela Cummings.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.