Delta Queen Riverboat to be relocated atop Walnut Street walking bridge

in Business/Culture

After the announcement of Chattanooga’s own Walnut Street walking bridge as one of the top public places in America, a representative from the shunned neighboring Delta Queen Riverboat announced plans to relocate the boat atop the popular tourist attraction.

The Delta Queen has made news in recent months by being a target of Chattanooga Mayor Andy Berke and his calling for the boat to be sunk to the bottom of the Tennessee River, where he would subsequently scuba dive to the depths of the river and urinate upon it.

deltaqueenAfter hearing this, it was reported that officials of the Walnut Street Bridge and Xanterra, owners of Delta Queen, met behind closed doors in one of the boats twin bed rooms to strike up a deal for the move. Experts believe the deal was sealed by late night intercourse, and was heard by patrons staying in nearby rooms through the paper-thin walls the vessel/hotel is known for.

“By relocating the Delta Queen to the Walnut Street bridge, Berke would be fucking with one of America’s best tourist traps if he decides to rid Chattanooga of the riverboat,” said Xanterra official Terrance Bridges, “I don’t believe the mayor wants that kind of blood on his pretty little hands.”

“We’re excited of the new possibilities this move will bring,” said Kathryn Davis, a spokeswoman for the Walnut Street Bridge. “Looking forward to Wine over boat over water in 2014!”