GIGTANK 2013: New textile printer turns babies into billboards

in Business/GIGTANK!
Custom-printed infant onesie
Custom-printed infant onesie

GIGTANK’s “Demo Day” on August 6 brings together in “Gig City” Chattanooga some of America’s brightest, perkiest and most promising entrepreneurs, who will pitch their technologies to a panel of experts. Who will emerge from the GIGTANK victorious and who will get tanked? The Chattanooga Bystander profiles the startups and their ground-breaking, innovative ideas.

“Imagine if you will, a world where low-income families can receive free baby clothing and diapers with no burden whatsoever on taxpayers or even charities,” said Fran Hindelmeyer. “Imagine these clothing designs being transmitted automatically across the Internet and printed at home, for ultimate convenience.”

“The future is here, my friends,” said Hindelmeyer to a roar of applause.

Hindelmeyer described how the new startup BabyBillboard has joined forces with advertising partners for this new textile printing technology, which creates custom-made baby clothing printed with advertising with an all-in-one unit that only requires an Internet connection.

“This is a win-win situation. Struggling, poor families get baby clothes at no cost to them, while corporations get valuable advertising,” said Hindelmeyer. “Who knows where this idea might go. Google is one of the most powerful companies on the planet, and most of its revenue comes from advertising.”

“Everybody loves babies,” said Hindelmeyer. “People can’t take their eyes off them, and people love to take photos of them. That’s what makes them perfect for advertising space.”

“One of our advertising partners is the condom manufacturer Durex,” said Hindelmeyer. “It’s a perfect match. What better advertisement for condoms is there, than a screaming, bratty baby wearing a Durex onesie?”

Custom-printed infant onesie
Custom-printed infant onesie

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children’s children, and for our children’s children’s grandparents – which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible “Mmmrph! Mmmrph!” sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling – and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.