Just Busted magazine offers new dating service

in Business
Just Busted magazine (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: http://flic.kr/p/8pomkN)
Just Busted magazine (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: http://flic.kr/p/8pomkN)

Just Busted is a Red Bank, Tenn.-based weekly publication that features mugshots taken from police department arrest records, with several editions covering various regions across the nation, and the magazine’s publishers announced at a press conference yesterday that they have expanded their operations, now offering a dating service to allow readers with romantic intentions to contact the criminal suspects documented in their magazines.

“Naughty girls need love too,” said co-founder Tilda Rutterford. “How many times have you thumbed through Just Busted, come across the pretty face of some fine young thing and thought to yourself, ‘I’d hit it’?”

For willing participants, suspects can add personal information to their profiles such as hobbies, turn-ons and turn-offs, displayed underneath their mugshots, at no cost, while those interested in contacting the suspects will be charged a small fee.

“Take a look at this strapping lad, Craig,” said Rutterford while holding up the new edition of Just Busted. “It says his nickname is ‘Little Caesar’ because he’s hot and ready. I’ll say! I’d let this fellow stick a shank in me, if you know what I mean.”

“Here’s a rugged-looking man, Desmond, arrested for domestic assault,” said Rutterford. “His hobbies include wine-making, which he said he learned by making toilet-tank raisin jack while in the big house. I bet there’s an interesting story behind that!”

“Aw, look here at this sweet-faced young woman named Charlie, busted for prostitution,” continued Rutterford. “She said her friends call her ‘Charlie Chaplin’ because she’s a little tramp.”

“You might be thinking, ‘Why the hell are these people smiling in their mugshots?'” said Rutterford. “They’re smiling because they know that someone like you is going to contact them, hot stuff!”

 

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children’s children, and for our children’s children’s grandparents – which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible “Mmmrph! Mmmrph!” sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling – and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.