Chattanooga Amazon Fulfillment Center Announces “Come and Get Your Shit” Option

in Business

Due to popular public demand, the Chattanooga Amazon Fulfillment center has announced plans for a “come and get your shit” option.

During checkout of an Amazon.com order, a new option to “pick up my shit today” will become available, based on your proximity to the Chattanooga fulfillment center. After payment is finalized, customers must commute to the corner of Volkswagen and Bonny Oaks Drive.  From there, customers are able to retrieve their order from a large Amazon.com labeled container that will house thousands of other customer orders. Amazon Prime members are given the free option to have their order thrown into a separate container that is sheltered from the elements.

Critics pan the plan by saying the steps to retrieve ones order seems like a massive pain in the ass, but praise the idea for creating new jobs in the Chattanooga area, especially after the massive layoffs in other sectors.

“We’re very excited about the possibilities that will come from this new Amazon.com venture in the Chattanooga market,” said Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. “This will create hundreds of new jobs with the need for new people to haul and throw shit into a large container.”

“This is a great way for Amazon to offset some of the costs we endure from offering free shipping,” said Chattanooga Amazon fulfillment center supervisor Chuck Shills. “After millions of shipping labels are used, that shit adds up!  The need for pricy labels is negated as the customers name is written directly on the cardboard box with a black marker.”

“We believe this is a great option for customers who want the famous fast Amazon.com delivery times,” said Bezos, “but can’t stand to wait for their Mumford and Sons LP or oversized strap-on to arrive.”

AmazonAerial_Tenn

 

Photo courtesy of the Chattanooga Area Chamber of Commerce