New City Council makes bombing illegal

in Politics
City of Chattanooga Seal in Manhole Cover form (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:
City of Chattanooga Seal in Manhole Cover form (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

The new Chattanooga City Council was praised for its quick, decisive action to make the act of bombing within city limits illegal, in the wake of the tragedy of the Boston Marathon bombing, when it was discovered today that it had been legal.

“Previous City Councils had totally dropped the ball on this,” said Councilman Ken Smith, standing over a huge, dusty book the size of an unabridged dictionary. “Before today, there was nothing in the rulebook that said you can’t make an improvised explosive device and detonate it within the city of Chattanooga.”

Within the span of one minute, the City Council deliberated the issue, drafted the new ordinance’s text and approved it unanimously, beating the previous record set when the business of fortunetelling using clairvoyance, necromancy or phrenology was made unlawful in 1986 (City Code Chapter 25, Section 25-9) in two minutes.

An additional six minutes were required for the City Council hunchback scribe, Lothar Silverbeard, to write the new ordinance in calligraphy in the official City Code tome.

“Also, there’s nothing in the rulebook that says that a chimpanzee in a clown suit riding a tiny motorcycle can’t run for public office, so we need to work on that next,” said Smith.

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