Local Democrats asked to extinguish wildfires with tears

in Politics
Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/9Y6CTG

After the shocking victory of Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Presidential election, Democratic Party leaders have asked local Democrats to help extinguish the raging wildfires with their plentiful teardrops. “I literally can’t stop crying,” said the weeping Chattanooga resident Kris Ferugina while waiting to board a helicopter…

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Smoke from Chuck Fleischmann burning Melody Shekari signs fills Chattanooga area skies

in Politics

After months of rigorous campaigning for the U.S. Representative of Tennessee’s 3rd congressional district seat, incumbent Chuck Fleischmann took out his frustrations of opponent Melody Shekari by gathering up her signs and lighting them ablaze. Little did he know that his act of rage would turn into an out of control…

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Chattanooga haunted houses show horror of city without gigabit internet

in Business

In response to what some one-time visitors of Chattanooga believe would be a shithole wasteland of horrors and less gentrification, area haunted houses brought those fears to life this Halloween. One local favorite Rock City opened their attraction called “DSL hell”, in which gnomes were unable to launch their startups…

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Hamilton County starts locking prison doors after business hours

in Politics
Prison (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/89DR6H)

After shocking revelations emerged that ankle monitors on offenders in Hamilton County aren’t being tracked after business hours and that one criminal escaped house arrest after removing his ankle monitor, the corrections department announced that it would start locking its prison doors during evenings and weekends. “Be assured that our…

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Experts warn of Southside “condom desert” after closing of Chuck’s

in Business/Health
Chuck's, the Condom Shop on Main Street

Urban planning experts have warned city officials that the upcoming closing of the Main Street nightclub Chuck’s, a.k.a. “The Condom Shop,” would leave a “condom desert” in the Southside after October 22. Much like an urban “food desert,” which is a location that lacks convenient access to grocery stores, a…

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Trump enlists Corker for foreign policy for countries where Americans will move

in Politics
Sen. Bob Corker (Modified under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/5jkmz1)

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump enlisted Senator Bob Corker, a former mayor of Chattanooga, as a member of his national security advisory council to develop foreign policy for relations with countries where many Americans will move if Trump is elected. “When Trump gets elected, we’re going to have a lot…

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Berke wears mesh shirt at Pride Parade to show transparency

in Culture/Politics/Shitstorm 2016
Mesh shirt

Mayor Andy Berke strutted down Riverside Drive wearing a white mesh shirt at yesterday’s Chattanooga Pride Parade in order to demonstrate a commitment to transparency, after criticism about previously using an encrypted smartphone messaging app to communicate with his staff. “I’ve got nothing to hide,” said Berke, as he lifted…

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