Service entrance of local Mexican restaurant named top new make-out spot

in Shitstorm 2016
Screen Shot 2016-05-25 at 8.21.18 PM

After a poll given to local participants with shit-filled underpants, a local Mexican restaurant’s service entrance was named the area’s best new make-out spot.  The restaurant’s service entrance beat out past favorite make-out spots, including a climate-controlled storage facility in Cleveland.  Since Chattanooga was named “Best Town Ever” this past…

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Tenn. defunds UT diversity office, establishes Office of Conformity

in Education
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After the Tennessee General Assembly passed a bill to defund the University of Tennessee’s Office for Diversity and Inclusion, it announced that in its place, it would establish an “Office of Conformity.” “One of the most important developments of industrial manufacturing is interchangeable parts, which made mass production possible,” said…

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Gun-carrying professors must provide “trigger warning” before shooting students

in Education/Politics
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A controversial new Tennessee law passed earlier this week, allowing educators to carry handguns at public state universities and colleges starting July 1, but an amendment yesterday to the legislation requires that they must provide “trigger warnings” before shooting students. “Trigger warnings are typically provided before frank discussions of potentially…

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Local gangs agree to truce over bathroom bread thawing

in Business/Culture/Food/Drink/Health

After weeks of relentless violence, representatives from Chattanooga area gangs have agreed to a cease fire. Members say the shocking revelation of a local restaurant thawing out their sandwich bread in bathrooms have rendered members in a disgusted state where the willpower to continue drive-by shootings and stabbings has stopped.…

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New Tenn. bill makes transgender students wear adult diapers

in Education/Politics
Restroom sign

After the “bathroom bill” passed in a Tennessee House panel that would require transgender students to use bathrooms that correspond with the gender on their birth certificates, new legislation was proposed that would make transgender students wear adult diapers instead of using bathroom facilities. Civil rights and LGBT advocacy groups…

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